Merry Fucking Christmas

Its christmas and i've ballooned to a disgusting 65kg. I dont know whats wrong with me i just cant stop eating. I ate all day today and i know its christmas so its suppose to be okay but its not really and i feel fat and disgusting. I use to get drunk and look in the mirror and think "jesus lovely me... you're really skinny" cause i couldnt see it when i was sober. Now i get drunk, look in the mirror and think "jesus lovely me.... you're really fucking fat!" Cause now i think my body weight is okay when im sober.

Its pathetic, and the worst thing is im ridiculously jealous of girls who use to be really fat, than get painfully skinny... and have no cellulite! WTF? . My fat ugly tree trunk legs and cellulite legs are a disgrace!

I have to get skinny, i have to loose weight before i go back to England. I dont want the guy i like to see me and think oh she looks the same. I want him to see me and think..... "fuuuuck she's lost weight". I want him to pick me up and swing me around and say i look amazing. I want to be 57kg. I want liposuction to reshape my bum, i want cellulite treatment. I want skinny sexy legs and a cute bum. i want tight abs and sticky outty hips, with jutting clavicles. I want cheek bones and skinny little arms. I want i want i want.... and what will i do to get it...??

Im starting my exercise again tomorrow. Jogging everyday, cutting down my intake of food (which will be so hard!) I can do this, i will do this. I will loose 7 kg!!! I have to loose 7kg. Xx