Lost 3 kg

<3 Ive got a big thing for skinny thighs at the moment and sharp hip bones. <3

Okay so it is the morning and its true i havent eaten anything yet. But now i weigh 62kg. Im very pleased but its not enough. I need to loose more. Today im going to go for a jog. And continue my soup diet. I put my favourite fake tan on so immediately i feel like i lost 2 kg but i gotta be smart and know as soon as my pale skin comes back ill feel fat and ugly. I know i can be strong and stick to my diet. I want to be below 60kg before i got back to my home town in aus where all my friends live. I want to impress when i get back to england. I want to be desired. I want to be ano thin. I want this so bad. I can do it.

I posted it before but this thinspiration is nothing less than amazing! http://thinspiration-pictures.blogspot.com/

The old Me

This is the old me...look how skinny i am. My dress is falling off me. I will be like this again. I will be skinny. Look at my arms. There like little sticks. No fat on my face. I want to be like this again. Now i weigh 65kg, Thats disgusting. Im on holiday in australia at the moment for 3 weeks. By the time i go home i will be under 60kg...aiming for 57. I can do it right? Believe in yourself lovely me. And stick to your soup diet. We can be beautiful and Thin...we can do this...x

Roma and Life beyond

So i went to Roma Italy...for free! I had an amazing time. Ate lots of pasta and pizza and cheese and wine. And chocolate. It was not a good food conscious holiday. But it was amazing. I went with this man i never even really spoke to. He just up and invited me to go with him. A local in my pub who works near us. Call him Mr. Italian. He's gorgeous naturally but a bit short. Any way we spend a wonderful 6 days together. Living in each others pockets. And he goes from being his man i was completely not interested in to being madly in love with. Not Good. We get back to london and we text and talk but of course he doesnt want to live in my pocket anymore. I get insecure. Start calling him and texting him to much. Stop being chased and start chasing. I invite myself over. Half drunk. Had a mini fight, but was okay. We start fucking and i freak out and start crying about 'What happened' 5 months ago. Of course he doesnt understand. So i tell him for some stupid reason. ....FUCK! Its ruined. I ruined a perfectly good relationship....again!

What is wrong with me? Im so clingy and needy. I destroy men. I turn good men into arseholes. I know there is something wrong with me, but i only remember once its to late.

Im eating less. And ive stopped weighing myself. I made a promise to myself not to eat chocolate for the month of january and so far so good. Ive been looking at thinspo and i really want to fast. Ive been doing the only eat two meals a day. Make sure you dont starve...if you're hungry eat an apple or banana. I Eat half the portions of dinner i normally would. But i just want to skip dinner all together. I always eat breakfast but i want to be painfully skinny. Summer is coming and i want to wear little shorts and skirts. I want to show off my flat tummy and my sharp hip bones. Pencil legs. I want to be beautiful. I will be beautiful...eventually. Xx

Overwhelming

Sometimes its a bit overwhelming...and i dont know where to turn.

Lately ive been getting depressed again. And i know thats not a good thing

But secretly i am happy for that means that im going to take loosing weight seriously.

I dont know what triggers it, but i cant hide this darkness...

thats plagued me since i started this blog.

And i dont want to write about misery's of what ive done and what ive been throw, cause im not the only one. And this is only the start, im not suicidal...i have a long life ahead of me

and i want to live a skinny life. A Beautiful life

I want people to say as i turn my back

"wow she's lost so much weight hasnt she?"

I want to be that girl that doesnt eat very much and people look at her funny.

The beautiful one...

Last night i throw up. I made food, ate it, and throw it up in a rage of guilt...

all within 40minutes. This morning my stomach as flat.

I am happy for this...

Im scared my depression will get worse...and im scared i cant hide it, and im happy i will be skinny, beautiful, thin...and people will want me

i will want me

This is a fantastic thinsipiration site...take a look

http://thinspiration-pictures.blogspot.com/

Its been a while...

Its been a while since i wrote in here...and a lot of things have happened. Good and Bad. Im trying to keep a positive attitude towards life, but its always difficult to be the person you want to be when its so easy to be the negative lazy git that comes naturally.

Ive been pigging out lately. Im living and working in london now...which is just what i wanted 6 months ago. But its so cold over here that my body is going into hibernation and my mind is saying EAT EAT EAT! and so what have i done? eat eat eat!!!

I weigh about 64kg right now. Its disgusting. I cant fit some of my jeans from home, tights that were loose are tight, ive got cellulite out of control and im still so hungry for comfort food. And im putting a stop to it starting yesterday. My new eating routine is not going to be ana-ish. Ive got to start slow and if i try to not eat im just gonna go mental. So im eating a good breakfast. Weetbix and banana with a tiny bit of honey, or some muesli with skim milk. Than i might eat a boiled egg or apple during the day. Than at night im only going to eat soup. Im cutting out bread and pasta which ive been living on lately. And im going to cut down my sugar intake. Only allow myself a treat on the weekends. One small chocolate bar or cookie or something. Just so i dont go mental. And thats all i need.

Today ive done okay, just wondering how ill go with dinner tonight at my work. I know they'll serve up some disgusting pasta and ill be like nnnnnarrrrmmmmmyyyyy! Blah im so fat now a days. When i look back i almost want to cry. I need thinspiration constantly. I want skinny legs and a small cute bum! I want my arms to be thin and i want the fluid in my face to go away!

I know i can do this! I want to be 57kg...than we'll see if i can get skinnier but for the mean time id be happy just under 60!

Good luck girls, i hope you've been holding stronger than me

Xx

I wish i had legs like this

Just when i think its getting Better

Just when i think things are getting better they fall apart again. On the outside nothing changes. But on inside im constantly struggling with myself to be happy with who i am and what i represent. Im so stressed out about finding a job and a place to live. About feeling wanted and excepted. Feeling valued. Feeling sexy and fashionable. When i know those last two matter the least they're what i want the most. I ate so much over the last week. Today i ate four pieces of bacon and 6 pieces of toast, two bowls of muesli and a bowl of soup. I cant stop eating. Its just ridiculous. And i feel i am so fat, i feel ugly and undesirable. But the idea of starving myself is so depressing. Eating is the only thing that makes me happy at the moment. But its not making me happy in the long run. I need to do more exercise. I need to eat less. I need a job. I need money. I need a place to live. I need a life....But most of all i need to forgive myself for what i've done but i cant!

I am selfish. I am horrible human being. I should have just gone home and cut my holiday short when i found out i was pregnant and had my baby. It would have been a different life, but it would have been a life with my child. And ill never get that chance again. Oh god i just...i dont know... what have i done?