Desire

Desire is to be thin,

Desire is to be skin and bone,

Desire will be happiness!

Dont eat, Don't love and it wont hurt!

Life is beautiful when seen through thin eyes.

Life is beautiful when detached from the world.

From yourself, From your loss.
From everything that has caused you pain.

Why relive it every day when you can be beautiful

You can be thin!

You can be everything you ever wanted all you need is not to eat.

And you can achieve it, you can find happiness.

Its there waiting for you to take it.

Come back ana

Come back mia

Come back lovely me

The unhappiness haunts me and im never rid of it...

Swing of It

I cant get into the swing of it. I cant stop over eating. I delude myself into thinking i havent eaten that much. But than i use to eat less than 300 cals a day. God knows how many i eat now.

Last night i through up because i ate to much, i havent lost any weight since i came back last year and im miserable when i see photos of my old self. I dont know what to do or how to fix myself.

Help me....

Lost

I've lost.

And there is nothing i can do.

I could be skin and bone,

But i cant change my face.

Maybe if i was more beautiful he wouldnt have left me.

He would have waited.

Why do i care so much?

He's always been this way

cruel.

He is with her, and nothing i do will change that

I hope he fucks it up with her like he fucked it up with me

Like he fucked it up with the girl he was with before me

Like he fucked up his life.

I barely ate today.

Im not hungry

I feel sick.

I wish for skin and bone.

I wish for happiness

I wish for him

Unhappiness

Im so completely unhappy i feel if i can make myself skinny, really skinny, than ill be happy. Ill look in the mirror and like what i see. I wont look at old photos and wish for the past. I will stop comparing myself to others happiness.

I will just be.

I will be skinny.

I will be happy.

How do i find the courage to succeed?

Have patients, work hard, dont cheat!

A New Year

A New Year
A New Beginning

A New Me

62.5 kg

XxX

Merry Fucking Christmas

Its christmas and i've ballooned to a disgusting 65kg. I dont know whats wrong with me i just cant stop eating. I ate all day today and i know its christmas so its suppose to be okay but its not really and i feel fat and disgusting. I use to get drunk and look in the mirror and think "jesus lovely me... you're really skinny" cause i couldnt see it when i was sober. Now i get drunk, look in the mirror and think "jesus lovely me.... you're really fucking fat!" Cause now i think my body weight is okay when im sober.

Its pathetic, and the worst thing is im ridiculously jealous of girls who use to be really fat, than get painfully skinny... and have no cellulite! WTF? . My fat ugly tree trunk legs and cellulite legs are a disgrace!

I have to get skinny, i have to loose weight before i go back to England. I dont want the guy i like to see me and think oh she looks the same. I want him to see me and think..... "fuuuuck she's lost weight". I want him to pick me up and swing me around and say i look amazing. I want to be 57kg. I want liposuction to reshape my bum, i want cellulite treatment. I want skinny sexy legs and a cute bum. i want tight abs and sticky outty hips, with jutting clavicles. I want cheek bones and skinny little arms. I want i want i want.... and what will i do to get it...??

Im starting my exercise again tomorrow. Jogging everyday, cutting down my intake of food (which will be so hard!) I can do this, i will do this. I will loose 7 kg!!! I have to loose 7kg. Xx

It Starts Today

It starts today, and oh how i've missed it.

Missed the bones, missed the hunger, Missed the beauty.

I will be skinny again.
xXx