So much has happened this year. I feel that ive grown a lot as a person. I was so young, so naive - specially when it came to men. Men seemed to be my existence for living. What does that say about myself? How i see myself? How i love myself?
I feel subtle changes. I still obsess about weight, although the way i go about is different (for now anyway). Im eating healthy and exercising everyday. I have cellulite. It wont disappear from not eating. I need to exercise. I need to move the blood around my body, drink water, cut out salt alcohol and smoking. When i run now i encourage myself. I say this is for you, this is for a more beautiful more happy you. You can do it. Instead of "you fat fucking bitch, keep running. You're the one who ate that cookie, slice of cake, pizza etc. You did this to yourself, disgusting!"How awful i was to myself. How much i hated myself? Why? Because a boy didnt like me...Please? Lovely me get a grip. Men will come and go, but you are the only thing that will stay.
I cant say that im perfect and tomorrow i might be fall a little into my black hole, but not so far. Not so deep. I can climb out now...for now.
Current weight: 63g
Goal Weight: 59kg