I got really fucked up with my manager( of one week) this past saturday. We got high as kites together in his room above our work which has cctv everywhere, kissed and just broke all the rules. Now i must find a new job, a new place to live. I cant go back there! Im so ashamed.
And im so fucking stupid...what is wrong with me? I feel so dirty and so down on myself.
Where are my brains to say no? This is wrong. I didnt want to kiss him, i felt like i had to. I could have said no and i did, but he got offended and if he kicked me out i was stuck in the middle of the city with no where to go. And he kept freaking out, cause he couldnt handle the high. He got so paranoid, kept twitching standing up sitting down running down the stairs running up the stairs...it was fucking weird! And because i was so high i told my manager of one week i murdered my chid and i use to be a druggie...wtf? No one knows this shit...no one. And now almost a complete stranger knows it...wtf was i thinking? How do i get myself in these situations? I feel so wrong, so slutty sooo stupid. We only kissed but im revolted by him and all men in general after what has happened. Im truly scared from my ex...im really fucking messed up in the head at the moment! Im not dealing with it well at all.
At least i didnt eat for over 24hrs...