Friday, July 10, 2009

Sick & Tired

I'm sick and tired of moaning about how im not getting thinner, looking at my friends get skinner and still not doing anything about it!

I dont know where my will power has gone. In the last two weeks ive eaten SO much buttery fatty disgusting popcorn. This morning i had breakfast with toast, egg, bake beans and dirty deep fried hashbrown...what the heck is wrong with me?

Im going to try and make that the only thing i eat today besides maybe something SMALL cause ive gotta go to a friends house for dinner tonight.

This is the same shit i post up fucking boring?! My heart isnt in this but i so desperately want to be skinny! I wish i LOVED exercising. I could go for a jog now...but i probably wont. Cause im a lazy fat c*nt!

However one victory i have managed is to train myself to look at the cookie jar at work as my fatty cellulite butt. Everytime i look at the cookie jar i only see my fat arse and orange peel skin. I dont eat those cookies anymore. I'm really suprised how well its worked. Like i literally see my fat arse when i look at the cookie jar. Its a small win but still a important one.

I went out clubbing with some girls last night. I wanted to have a messy night and i did lol we snooted so much ****** up our noses lol i was off my face. It was fan - fucking - tastic! And i met a VERY good looking man, i got his number and he got mine. Dunno if he was interested but he was leaning all over me on the seat and we'd just thats good right? Im going to txt him next weekend and be like..."hey if you're out tonight wanna catch up for a drink?" see what comes of it. I swear this man looks just like jake gyllenhaal! STUNNING! But i think he's like one of those guys that is hard to get. I really have to play my cards right here...hmm a challenge i love it! Ha ha im a sick fuck, now a days i look at men only as a challenge. I spot someone i like, i give them the eye and smile, if they respond i sit down near we're they are and wait for them to come over to say hi. Once ive got that its normally in the bag. I love the thrill of the chase. LOL i dont know how many mens numbers i have in my phone, with the club that i met them in as their last names so i remember who they are...arrgh but they're always after one thing :( And so am i...but you've gotta prove youself first and most of them fail miserably!

Good news is the hot boss ive been day dreaming about on the bus...well i talked to him the other night and he was well keen for it. He's like "im gonna fuck you first week u get to london" i like "ooooh are you now?" Im Playing him along because the first time we met and worked together i was falling over myself to get ANY kind of attention from him. I made such a fool of myself! But i guess to my credit he still came after me...mmm yummy! My last note on men is the pansy man ive been "seeing" if thats what you can call it, cause we never do ANYTHING together(barely even talk anymore) came over my place last night to hang with me and my friends and was so stiff and insecure and fucking annoying! Telling stupid stories that you tell to make people think you're cool when you're in fucking yr 9 or something! He's twenty fucking three...grow some damn balls man! Im so hard on him though...and i do really feel bad because i think he likes me but im to wild for him, im to eratic, to crazy. And i have no patience for the man and his mama boy ways. im not even that attracted to him anymore! Errr gotta let him go softly but how to do it? hmmm..

Any way i should stop ramberling on about men, this blog is suppose to be about my fucking eating disorder which is pathetic at the moment!

Im not really writting anything interesting too id be suprised if anyone even reads this far down plus I dont want to make my posts to long cause i know i get bored reading other peoples long ass posts.

Sooooo ladies my only tip for the moment is if you have a vice something you just HAVE to eat when u see it, say chocolate peanut butter somethings, or hot chips or friggen that disgusting 1000calorie thing that you JUST HAVE TO EAT!!!! Try to imagine you most hated part about you and associate that food with it. So everytime you look at it you dont see the trigger food, you see your fat ass, or cellulite knees, or beer belly or fucking love handles!!!! BIG THIGHS!!!!!!!

It works trust me...good luck and stay true stay strong xoxo

1 comment:

sadhana said...

That note you ended on - I was just thinking the same thing (how can I apply this imagining your ass to my every day life?) I say that's a great tip :)

I read the whole thing - I thought it was interesting. I remember living the life that you are living.. with the shit in your nose and the chasing after men. It's an exciting life so I liked reading about it. Um.. plus I like the way you express yourself. I think you should post more :P

Anyway, it sounds like you're getting back on track (though with the cookie jar thing, I don't think you lost too much control) so keep it up! :)