First thing first - thank you to all the wonderful people that read and comment my blog...i appreciate your advice and thank you for taking the time to care about an insignificant troubled girl on the otherside of the world!
So i'm feeling a bit better these days. I still feel sad when i am doing nothing and nothing is distracting me from my hollow empty self.
But I'm not pregnant which is such a relief however my hair is still falling out ALOT. Im going to see a doctor on friday about it and hopefully they'll be able to work out why.
I just dont want to be sick and generally unwell anymore. I want to be healthy and happy...and skinny!
My ana mind is coming back, and i am happy. she comes and goes but i miss her when she's not around and she scares me when she is. I feel really fat these days but the scales lie and say im the same.
Ash day wednesday is on the 17th of this month. I'm giving up all sugary treats this includes but is not limited to all the bakey goods my flatmates bring home, ice cream, anything chocolate, sweet ceral, cookies, jam, soft drinks, even sugar in my tea etc! If its got sugar in it, im not eating it!
I cant keep a promise to myself but i can keep one to God. Im not very religious but im spiritual...in a religious way lol. So i do what i can in my own warped way which isnt perfect but it suits me and i feel not so alone when i pray. I know you're suppose to give up something meaningful and deep but i LOVE sugar and its going to be temptation for me everyday and it will aid in my fast track to being thin.
I started jogging again to. If only i could stop eating so much and not feel diZzy when i dont eat. My body isnt use to me starving it like i did today and i felt shit house came home and ate like a horse. Now i feel guilty...but tomorrow is another chance to fast.
ps im scared to wash my hair tomorrow because so much falls out...what is wrong with me?