Tuesday, February 16, 2010


shit..i should have looked at my thinspo before i ate not after!

I did okay today though, im not fasting im not strong enough but im trying to eat less. Today i had 3x peice of toast, 2x carrot, bowl of soup and 2xbiscuits and 3x tea and 1x milo.

Not bad but i still feel like a fat failure. I can feel my love handles above my jeans. See my arms are fatty, my knees touch when i walk.

I washed my hair today, alot fell out. I knew it would but it still scared me.

Today at work i was there but i wasnt there. I kept asking customers the same questions twice, calling them wrong names. I almost cried once...and nothing was even wrong. Just an angry customer but everyone has to deal with that, its no reason to cry.

I wan to take a psych test. I want someone to tell me if its all in my head, or if i am actually fucked up. Do other people feel like this? But feel like what...whats wrong with me?

Besides my sudden onset of general unwellness.... nothing.
Would i be happy if i had a man to pay attention to me, distract me, a realationship to slowly ruin? To fixate on and obesse about?

Another notch on my failures belt?

Goals for 2010

stop stalkbooking my ex
Get down to 55kg by the end of the year
be happy
be stronger
be who i am


Ana's Girl said...

Oh i hate that sinking feeling that happens when i look at thinspo after i ate. It just makes me feel that much fatter, like i'll never look like the girls in the thinspos.
But you're doing well food-wise, it seems. Keep it up. I'm sure you'll reach your goals soon. *hugs* i hope you feel better very soon.

Monster said...

I know that feeling as well.
It will be ok!