Sunday, May 24, 2009

Problem

I think i have a problem.

I drink to much, i dont know when to stop and when i am drunk im completely out of control.


Im highly motivated by drinking. I love it, i adore it. I think i have a problem.


I dont know why this is. Yesterday i drunk almost 2 bottles of wine. I was at a party with heaps of people i didnt know. I got talking to the hosts brother, and ended up with him in his room, making out. We were going to have sex, i wanted to but i didnt. Im glad i didnt. I did give him head though...wtf? I do not give head specially not to someone i JUST met! What the hell was i thinking?



Before we hooked up his friends and him had invited me out the next day to hang out at the beach. They seemed really genuine but after i made a fool of myself they never called me. I didnt expect them to but still its another failure, its another stupid mark against my name. Im absolutely terrible at making friends, Im socially retarded! I can just see it now, he's probably thinks im a huge slut. I went from being that girl at the party who he was intersted in, to being just a stupid drunk bitch with no morals. Apparently my cousin had to call my bro to come pick me up and take me home because i was 'out of control'. How fucking embaressing. When i left no one was really talking to me, not even the guy who i made out with.


I dont know whats wrong with me, when i get drunk i just let go. Apparently im a princess, and i see in myself that im judging poeple and i often have to stop myself from saying hurtful things to poeple. Im stuck up.

I dont know why i get like this when i get drunk. No thats a lie, i do know. I have no confidence in myself. I think im fat, ugly and undesirable. I am unhappy.



My head isnt screwed on right at the moment. Im not myself. This is not who i am. And to make matters worse i ate all day today. Bread and cookies and noodles. Fuck!


Some beautiful thinspo i got from another blogger page.
http://redbraceletemergency.blogspot.com/?zx=5de7654956d25bb1


























2 comments:

Jamie said...

Just found your blog and absolutely love it! Drinking is my biggest problem too! Most of the reason why I binge...ARG right?? Check out my blog at www.jkremm.blogspot.com! Love to hear from you!

Jamie

Lyla Unleashed said...

thanks for the mention! love your blog :0)